My friend Jessica and I usually sit in opposite seats on the bus ride to French. When she taps on the space next to her, signaling me to sit down, I know there’s an issue. Why else would someone rather me practically sit on their lap than have personal space? She’s not Santa, and Christmas is months away anyway.
Turns out she’s suspicious of some harlot who’s too touchy with her boyfriend. Although her stories were most likely dramatized and full of bias, I am convinced that something fishy is indeed going on. But while I’m a champion sounding board, I’m horrible with advice, and that’s what she needed. The problem with my advice is that I’m hardly ever sympathetic. If my boyfriend was too flirty with a particular girl one too many times, I’d sit him down, slam my fist on the table, and demand satisfaction in the form of an apology and reasonable explanation. The girl? Well, I’ll leave that to your imagination. Let’s just say someone’s shins might be split.
I’ve always been this way. My conversations are always laced with backhanded criticism and I only cry when I’m alone or in the comfort of my mother’s arms. If you were to take an x-ray of my heart, I’m almost positive that 99% of it would be made of shrapnel and hydrochloric acid. The remaining 1% of soft materials is reserved for puppies and babies and inanimate objects with drawn on smiley faces. My grandma insists that it’s my Polish blood. “We Polish broads don’t take nothing from no one,” she says. Whether or not it has anything to do with the Polish-ness of my blood, I can’t say. But it does definitely run in my family. I hereby extend an invitation to go on the annual trip to pick up the Easter ham with my grandma. Ye be warned: she takes no prisoners.
Honestly, I don’t know how I have friends. I’m not exactly nice. Let’s face it, I’m a complete bitch most of the time. I guess I just don’t have patience for a lot of behavior. If I don’t say something, no one else will. What’s the worst that could happen? They won’t talk to me for a few days? Sadly, the thought of losing them elicits very little emotion from me. I love them, but I suppose I always know in the back of my head that there are plenty of other people I could befriend if necessary. My group of friends changes every year because of various other circumstances anyway. I’m oddly pessimistic and optimistic on the subject at the same time.
I know a few of you are utterly appalled at everything I just said. I’m an insensitive, cynical hardass and I’m well aware of it. If I had a clone, that clone would probably criticize me for the fact that I’m so critical. I don’t know whether that’s sad, funny, or downright psychotic. Ah, well.
With love and dating–when one person acts like they don’t care and they’re hard to get, the other person naturally will feel more attracted to that. I think the same thing applies to having friends.
All of the “close” friends I use to have since high school through college, I would stop talking to them and stop hanging out with the entirely but that would make them like me more for some reason. I was an asshole. I’d leave/ditch friends every year, because they were simply getting on my nerves. I was basically not “committed” to any of the friendships I had.
So, I don’t think you’re a cold-hearted person because I can understand. It’s just a hassle to have friends, and when you have female friends it’s a lot harder because it feels like you’re obligated to be really open and person with them–like they’re suppose to know every detail of your sex life, your relationship with your parents, or something, and that’s something I don’t like to share…but that’s what girls do. And I don’t like talking on the phone, at all, so I hate it when my past friends would call me so many times just to “talk”. I don’t do that either.
The longest friendship I have is my current one, surprisingly. They’re just these two eccentric girls who I generally get along with because we only hang out like every 3-4 months, and I love that! We can still maintain a good relationship without the typical girlfriend commitment (aka calling each other every night on the deets, hanging out every week, and other things I can’t seem to tolerate).
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Ahh, those topics are really difficult, and hard to sort out, and give advice too. It’s really hard, on each standpoint and stuff, it’s just a difficult situation that’s like an “iffy” thing, haha. :P Same, I’d probably do that too, well I’d probably start do some more digging then the confrontations, I don’t think I’d be afraid to do so, I guess you’d say I’m a assertive but maybe “aggressive” at some times, dunno.
Same, I do cry in public rarely, I think. :P Well, I guess because it’s just in all of us, we think that we think people see like vulnerability in us when we cry?
I guess you could say that about me too, right now, are you judging all your blog commenters? Haha, I’m just kidding. :P Well, I do have friends, people think I’m harsh sometimes but I see it like as helping someone when you give constructive criticism, people are way too soft these days to be honest, it’s kind of pissing me off. Like you know PerezHilton? Critics are going crazy on his ass about things he does on his blog, and people are like “yeah, he’s so mean and he picks on people for a career”. That is showbiz, that’s what happens behind closed doors, he’s just saying what’s on everyone’s minds that everyone else is nice to say, and plus what he says if funny too, haha. It’s there for your entertainment, it’s a thing that makes you want to keep reading.
And it’s like, take a breather, it’s really not that harsh. We all talk trash about eachother whether you like to admit it or not, I think people need to calm down and like stop being so uptight about things like this. Kind of hard to explain, but I hope you understand. :P
Well like I’m in Middle School, so the groups of people pretty much stay the same (somewhat), I heard in highschool it shifts, and kind of everyone hangs with everyone. Not much cliques and things. :P If I wanted too, I don’t need friends in Middle School either, I could be the quiet person no one wants to talk too in the corner, and Lunch wouldn’t be a problem for me, because I’d just walk home for lunch everyday. But that’s not me, I’m just saying if I wanted too, it would be possible, haha. But in highschool, different story, I can’t be a loner person who criticizes & “trash talks” people in her diary, blog, and head. Because what would I do at lunch? Haha, my highschool would be way too far to way.
LOL, I just noticed it sounds like I’m “devising” a plan too do this and weighing out the pros and cons, sorry for just putting a weight on you. :P Just sayin’.
And back to what I said about everyone shit talking eachother, it’s true, we all have that criticizing type of person inside, it just doesn’t always come out, some more than others (i.e.: me, and you, LOL). And my friend and I were having this conversation, and we’re all secret slus inside, you might be giving me a dirty look like what the hell is she talking about right now, are you ripped? So I won’t go furthermore into it.
And… I noticed I’m ranting on you. LOL. Okay, I think I’ve just been given some inspiration for a new blog post right here. I’ve actually been thinking of one like this (like the topic), but I thought people would think I’m a crazy psycho, like the topics I’m talking here. I’ll write that soon… LOL. If you don’t mind, inspiration from your blog post.
BTW, sorry for the super long post, and also, I’ll respond to your comment on my blog on my blog, I noticed (because I’m an idiot), it’s really hard for me too comment back and forth on each other’s blogs. :P
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I’m similar but the friends I have are close and they know I’m blunt lol. Tbh, if some girl was flirting with my bf, I wouldn’t do a thing to her. I’d expect my bf to tell said girl politely that his girlfriend is a jealous one and that she should stop. But that’s me ;)
And just the science nerd within: Eventually, your heart would probably be corroded by the HCl. What then? >;)
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I actually love that you’re like that. It means you’re honest.
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I’m only a bitch of necessary. You could describe me as nice, but I don’t take shit from people either. I make friends easily, but if you try to undermind my intelligence or try to take advantage of me, that shows a lot about your character and there’s no future in a friendship between us. I’m actually by biggest critic, which means I’m really critical of others to (trying to get out of that).
It’s just your personality. You were born this way!
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That sounds like a tough situation. I hope your friend can get it sorted, that must be very uncomfortable for her.
I think if that’s who you are there’s nothing wrong with it! The friends you keep must be very special then, and must really like you. I admire your strength to be honest, I’m forever worrying about everything I do or say, and despite pretending to be fierce and strong, I cry a HELL of a lot!
You’re probably putting yourself down though – you don’t need to describe yourself as a bitch!
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Oh man, I am just like you. When my ‘friends’ come to me about boy advice I just want to scream. I really don’t care because 99% of me is made of what all that was you mentioned and really I don’t think I even have the 1% of kindness. This doesn’t run in my family at all.
I don’t think friendship is about being nice. I prefer being friends with someone with cynical or outspoken thoughts over someone sweet kind and caring. I like interesting people always with something to say. Of course everyone else thinks that’s annoying, but screw everyone else.
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Hmmm, you don’t seem all hard and cynical to me, more like you know what you want out of life and that if anyone else isn’t fine with that, then you don’t care xD
I sympathize with pretty much everything, I always have a similar situation that happened to me that I relate to. However, if there is someone that I don’t like, then they could break their leg and I’d just be like “Cool story bro.”
Haha, and again, we use Celsius, so 96 degrees would almost be boiling water for me, but I know you mean Fahrenheit xD
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This right here could explain me completely. I give good advice (from what people tell me), but I’m also very blunt. If my friend asks me if she should break up with her boyfriend because he’s overly flirty with other girls, I’d tell her that if he’s flirting with other girls, he’s probably thinking of doing things with those other girls that come after all the flirting. Most girls don’t like to hear that, and so they get all sensitive and say “not my boyfriend,” but everyone else knows what’s right.
Which is around the time I am called a bitch, hardass, and am told I have cynical views on relationships (which I do, I’ll admit). I’m okay with being a bitch/hardass/etc. because my close friends understand me, and that’s all that matters. That’s basically what I think: if I can’t be myself (which is a sarcastic, pessimistic bitch sometimes) around people who don’t understand why I am the way I am (and I doubt it’s the fact that I am also part Polish), then they’re obviously not people I will want to be around in a month or so.
Anyways, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being how you described yourself. You are who you are, and that’s just fine. I mean, sure, don’t go overboard with it, but at the same time that’s you, and that’s totally okay. Did any of that make any sense?
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I can definitely see where you’re coming from. I was raised by a single father & I had an older sister & a younger brother so we were raised to be, not so unemotional, but more like tough-skinned.
It’s good that your friend can ask you for advice, no matter how ‘critical’ you may be about the situation. I’ve always told some friends over & over that they’re too nice & need to take control of the situation. Jessica should do what you were thinking about doing, just sitting down her man & asking him straight-forward, “What’s going on?” He’ll probably feel better about her being up-front with him (that is, if he’s not doing anything he shouldn’t be) rather than having other friends ‘spy’ on him to see what he’s doing. It’s about trust, but we’re also going off of him being completely faithful. Now, if the other girl is trying to get something going even though the bf wants to stay friends, Jessica needs to kick some ass. :D Just sayin’, don’t wanna be that girl who is more into the relationship than the guy is, because it only leads to criticism & turning a blind eye to what may be going on.
I hope all ends well with Jessica whichever way it turns out, & she knows she has good friends by her side no matter what.
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New blog, trying to get back into the funk of things. Might not work since I’ve got some new books I’m reading. :P
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I hear ya on being the unsympathetic friend. I listen, I hear everything my friends say to me (okay, admittedly, I intentionally block them out sometimes), but I’ve got nothing “supportive” or “helpful” to say. A lot of the time I think I know the response they’re looking for, but most of the time, I genuinely don’t want to give it. If I don’t stand behind the advice or answer they want, I’m not giving it.
I also don’t cry in front of me people–not even my parents. I recently (um, within the past year) had a conversation in which I stated that I don’t think I’ve ever cried during a movie. One of my interlocutors was male (who said he was quite comfortable with his masculinity and admitted his crying during certain films), and he basically told me I’m practically inhuman because I didn’t even cry during The Notebook. Sorry, that sad story’s not hurting me.
Anyway, I literally laughed out loud at what your grandma says about Polish blood. I am not Polish, but I thought it was a funny statement.
Actually, a lot of your post really resonates with me. Although I don’t think I come off as cynical or bitchy, I am definitely highly unfeeling/indifferent toward my friends. Yeah, sure, I like them, but I have never been upset about a terminated friendship. I’ve drifted apart from quite a few friends, and I’m not hurting. There are other people. And I have me, always. I don’t know why people are friends with me anyway. I’m not a barrel of reckless, carefree fun like everyone else who just turned 21 in the United States. I like to go to bed at 11 and wake up at 7 and … I don’t know. I don’t care for most typical “fun” young people things I guess.
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I have a hard time extending sympathy as well, only because I have a hard time being insincere, and, even if I do feel bad for the person, I have a hard time showing it. I’m not going to force the sympathy out of myself.
I don’t think I’m a bitchy person, but there’s a side of me that comes out when I’m angry that reminds me a lot of this post. When I get angry I can be really mean; sometimes I regret it and sometimes I don’t. Usually I don’t. It’s better not to be a pushover, and I’ve been a pushover much too long.
While I’m not always a bitch, I can be very blunt. I criticize a lot though I’ve gotten a bit more used to keeping my thoughts to myself over time (I was a mean little kid).
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Gabi replied...
May 27th, 2011 at 2:55 PM
Since my heart couldn’t possibly be made of anything other than blood and guts in the first place, I figured I might as well go all out with the un-realism. Yes, HCl would eventually corrode everything in it’s path. I think having shrapnel in my body would screw things up as well. ;)
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